Some random thoughts on that Man of Steel movie. It needed more trumpet.

I only go to about one movie a year so I may as well ramble about it a bit.  I saw the most recent movie version of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster's Superman, Man of Steel.  I saw it on Saturday June 15 and wrote the notes below the next day but I am just now making the time to sit down and edit it.

SPOILERS.  This is not a review.  This is just me rambling about some of the things this movie made me think about.  If you still plan to see the movie, don't read this.

• I liked it a lot.  I thought it was a very good science fiction movie. It had a lot of elements and scenes that I enjoyed very much the first time I saw them in other science fiction movies.  I think director Zack Snyder and writer David S. Goyer must be as big fans of David Lynch's Dune movie and the Star Wars films as I am.
• I have a theory that this whole movie was an evil experiment.  What happens when you feed a 15 year old 12 ounces of Robitussin and make him watch Dune, Heavy Metal and the Star Wars movies then give him $225 million to make a movie?  Of course, feeding a 15 year old that much Robitussin would be unethical so they brought in Zack Snyder.
• And, with that joke, I'm not just poking fun at Snyder's movies for being immature.  I'm just saying that his movies, Watchmen etc. look the way the world looks to a 15 year old.  Or the way a 15 year old wants to see the world.  They look, sound and are paced like video games.  
• Which makes total sense to me.  The only part of our culture not currently aimed at 15 year olds are the parts aimed at three year olds.
• The movie is loud and fast paced.  Lots of SWOOOSH and BADOOOOOOOOMMMM!  I think they got that right.  I think it had to be SWOOSH and BADOOOOOOMMM after Superman Returns turned Superman into weird emo stalker who fathered a kid with a teenage girl.  Gawd Superman Returns was bad.  But yeah, this movie had to be a video game.  That's what these things are now.  And it's a good video game.  It's not totally for me.  I like for things to make visual sense.  I like to actually see the movie ya know.  I like for shots to be in focus and for the camera to not jerk around like the operator is having a seizure.  But his is just how action movies are now and I can't complain it away.  I grew up with big Panavision Technicolor movies.  Better than reality!  Now they look like video games.  As fake as fake can be.  It is what it is. 
• And despite being super loud, fast and violent- this movie has what, four on screen deaths?  Jor-El, Supermom, Zod and Kevin Costner?  Was that it?  We see a small town and a major city devastated but we don’t see many on screen deaths.  These are video game deaths where the numbers ring up in the top left corner of the screen but you don’t stick around to see the bodies.  Or maybe some guys died in that one helicopter?  There are assumed deaths when some aircraft gets BADANNNNGGGGED out of the sky.  But for the most part, this film is as bloodless as an 80s G.I.Joe cartoon.  But still PG-13 for some potty mouth?
• And Superman kind of sucks at protecting the city. He could have like flown away or something.  But, it’s so fake I don’t even care.  It just video game dudes throwing each other through video game buildings.  It doesn’t mean anything.
• But wait, there is one fantastic magnificent wonderful thing about this movie being a video game; there was very little slow motion.  Maybe no slow motion?  No “bullet time”?  Could it be, could it be!  Could this be a post The Matrix superhero movie without a “bullet time” shot?  Thank you Jesus! Please God let us never see a “bullet time” scene ever again!
• Another reason these things have so much simulated hand held shaky camera, lense flares and out of focus backgrounds is because of the now 20 or so year old notion that making these things look like a documentary makes them more real. It doesn’t.  Stop it.  This is a movie where the main character wears a rubber suit.  This is not a documentary.  Stop it.

• Strange that a super advanced race from outer space all wear underwear bodysuits made out of the same basketball rubber Spider-Man uses to make his costumes.
• Seriously, Spider-Man came out in 2002.  Can we get a new idea for superhero costumes please?  Here is a thought, not basketball rubber.
• So yeah, I basically hate Superman’s costume.  The colors are ugly.  He looks stiff and uncomfortable.  Probably because his junk is hanging out.  This is why the trunks were great.  This is why you need the trunks.  Without the trunks, it’s just a man in a rubber unitard and a man in a rubber unitard is like a male dog standing on its hind legs.  All you see is penis.
• I liked Krypton.  That weird metal tech on all their communication devices was weird though.  If everything is grey on your Kryptonian floating TV things then I bet their cartoons sucked.  Good thing Kal got sent to Earth where we have color TVs.
• Krypton looked like the Star Wars prequels.  Jor-El’s dragonfly pony thing was straight out of the prequels.  Superman 1978 was very much what you get when you make a Superman movie after Star Wars.  This is what you get when you make a Superman movie after the prequels.
• Lots of Jack Kirby in this movie.  Asgard and Fourth World all over that Kryptonian armor.
• When Zod and the other baddies are sent to the Phantom Zone they are sent there in penis pods.
• Pete Ross says dick splash.
• Lois Lane says dicks.
• Amy Adams says dicks.
• Amy Adams is very pretty.
• I was surprised they put that head condom thing on Adams.

• Jesus.  Jesus is all over this thing.  And I'm okay with that.  I'm a big fan of JC.  It would be nice just once to get through one of these super hero movies without a Jesus Christ pose shot though.  Jor-El- “Son, you can chose to save mankind, you know, like that Jesus guy did.”  Superman- “Okay God, I mean Space Dad.  I’m not going to say out loud what my choice is, I’ll just float away like I’m on the cross and then you and the audience will know what my choice is.  Bye Space Dad!”  So much Jesus stuff.  Jesus is the result of the Immaculate Conception.  Superman is the result of an illegal non-genetically predetermined conception.  The movie is really focused on making sure we know that Superman is 33 which would be the age Jesus was when crucified.  There are "act of God" and "gift from God" lines about young Clark.  Every word Kevin Costner says.  A scene in a church with a preacher.  Leap of faith.  Superman allowing the Romans humans to arrest him before being sacrificed to the Kryptonians.  It is heavy handed but it kind of works.  It works because of the twist.  The set up is that Superman is going to sacrifice himself.  Jesus loves us so much he dies for us.  The twist is that Superman loves us so much he lets his whole race and whole planet die for us.  It's God choosing man over all the angels.  Zod is Satan saying, no thanks, I'd much rather you chose the angels.
• But it also falls a bit flat because there is never a second where you think Superman might actually choose Krypton.  The entire movie hammers free will over and over.  Both Jonathan Kent and Jor-El repeat time and time again that the whole point of Kal-El/Superman is choice.  That he is not bound by Krypton’s laws of genetic predetermination.  That he could chose the man he wanted to be.  And despite all that hammering, there is never a second when you think he might chose Krypton.  And maybe that's just the weight of 75 years of Superman.  Superman just does not allow Earth to be wiped out.  It's a noble effort on Snyder and company's part.  They get that about Superman.  That he's a hero because of his choice.  His choice not to, ya know, fry us all with his heat vision and rule the planet.  His choice to serve.  They get that, and they give it the hard sell but there is never a second where we think he won't chose us.  He's Superman.  It reminds me of Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ.  That movie gives Jesus’ choice the hard sale.  Over and over Jesus fights against the path God has given him.  But we still know he's going to get up on that cross. He's Jesus.
• Speaking of Jesus Christ Pose.  Soundgarden.  I wondered going into this thing if Snyder was going to pack it from end to end with pop songs the way he did Watchmen.  He didn't.  Thank God.  But we did get some Soundgarden.  The Avengers had some Soundgarden too.  Is Soundgarden like anti-flop mojo or something?  And I guess I could be an apologist and say that yeah, if Superman is thinking about his past, yeah, 20 year ago Kansas teen Clark Kent would have totally been listening to Soundgarden.
• This movie is almost void of humor.  And ya know what.  I’m totally fine with that.  I’m over the summer blockbusters having to have X amount of dumb pop culture reference jokes.  Leave that junk for the talking animal movies.  I only heard two chuckles out of the audience.  One was the female solider saying Superpants is hot (which you’ve already seen in the TV spots).  The other was a shot where Supes has trashed a truck driver’s truck rather than fight him.  I bet the truck driver would have rather been punched than to have his livelihood destroyed.  It seemed a bit out of this Clark Kent’s character but it is totally the kind of dick move Silver Age Superman would have pulled.  Silver Age Superman being in the Dick Hall of Fame.
• This movie is void of romance.  There is one kiss but it more of Lois just kissing Superman because he just saved her and he is standing there in clothing where you can see his genitals than it is romance.  And I’m totally cool with this thing not having Hollywood formula romance shoved into it.  I don’t need to see actors chew on each other’s faces.  Two things I only enjoy existing if it is my mouth doing them; kissing and eating.  And I do both with my eyes closed.

• But it does have plenty of sexual subtext.  Macho sexual subtext.  A standard sci-fi trope is to explore what happens when culture rejects sexuality.  The answer is always that society needs super macho sexuality.  Most often it means that society needs super macho sexuality in the form of hairy chested heroes from the super macho sexy planet Earth.  See Buck Rogers.  In this movie, Krypton has replaced natural sexual reproduction with some sort of gene manipulated pod babies.  But Jor-El, is Russell Crowe and Russell Crow is going to make his babies the old fashioned way.  The sexy way.  Law be damned.  So this Superman is a representation of sexy time.  Only sexy time can same us.  The movie is very much about macho sexuality versus order and conformity.  Will Clark Kent live in secrecy and pretend to be normal or will he reveal his fabulous self to mankind and fly around in his rubber suit with his package showing?  The battle between Jor-El and Zod is not good versus evil.  It is law and order versus macho sexy time.  Zod is law and order.  Zod is doing exactly what Kryptonian genetic law created him to do.  But Jor-El, he just can’t keep himself from bringing sexy back.  Zod is all, “I’m right and I’m more macho because I’m a warrior and I will destroy anything for the good of Krypton!”  But Jor-El is all, “I’m more macho because, well for one thing, I’m Russell Crowe and I have an Australian accent.  Two, just look at my hair.  Three, I broke the rules and had real sexy time sex with my wife for the first time in generations.  And then, just to top it all off, I delivered that baby myself!  And did you even see me fly on that dragonfly horse in my rubber underwear?”
• And then Superman gets to knock off both of those guys in the Sexy Hunger Games by having his chest hair reject the confines of his rubber underwear.  Is it weird that we see Superman’s chest hair while he’s in costume?  It’s weird isn’t it?

• Speaking of sex.  Superman is not just Jesus he is also Dune’s Paul Atreides.  In Dune, Paul is the product of a forbidden conception.  His mother was supposed to only bare her Duke husband a daughter because the bloodlines are manipulated and controlled.  This results in a more than human child.  It also results in the death of the father.  Dune is all over Man of Steel.  Jor-El is Leto.  Zod is both Barron Harkonnen and sexy Feyd by way of Sting.  “I WILL kill him!”  Paul sides with the Fremen.  SuperPaul sides with the humans.   The baddies even look like they are wearing the stillsuits from the David Lynch Dune.  Those head condom things are their respirators.
• This movie loves the United States Military.  And that’s okay.  Our annual alien invasion movies usually glorify the military so it is to be expected.  But it causes a bit of a thematic cock block.  This movie is desperate to play up the idea that mankind will turn on and reject the alien Superman or that they will slice him up.  Parts of this movie want to be The X-Files.  Part of it wants to be E.T.  But in that story, the military has to be the bad guys.  Not here.  About as bad as get is just kind of curious and formal.  Yeah, I know they shoot some bullets at Supes at one point but it does not carry much weight.  Mankind never really has a bad reaction to Superman.  Another attempted twist that fails.
• I liked the “you are not alone” bit.   For about two minutes, the movie got to stick with one theme and just be a sci-fi movie.
• In some parts, the scale of this movie seems very small.  Look at the military stuff again.  This movie would have you believe that the entirety of the US armed forces from grunt to scientist to pilot to general is made up of about a dozen people.  Kansas, Metropolis, the arctic, the control room, the desert base, the helicopters, the big plane… it’s the same handful of dudes in every scene.  Again it’s like an episode of G.I. Joe.
• And why did the military let Lois on that plane?  Or the scientist dude for that matter?  Couldn’t anyone push in that Kryptonian flash drive?
• And speaking of the Kryptonian flash drive- Is Jor-El gone?  That thing got exploderated right.  If he was in the flash drive is he gone for good?  He was in Zod’s ships because he designed them but those ships are gone right?  He was not in the scout ship because it predated him.  Supes puts him in the scout ship by inserting the Kryptonian flash drive.  But with the drive exploderated, is he gone for good?  Or would he still be in that scout ship?   I’m thinking that scout ship is the fortress of solitude in sequels but will Russell Crowe be prancing around it?
• One thing I like about this movie is that it did not mention Lois Lane’s father or any military background for her character.  If there is one thing in all of Superman lore that I do not give a since solitary crap about it is Lois Lane’s Thunderbolt Ross knock off father.
• I thought the main cast was very good.  Cavill, Adams, Shannon, Crowe, Costner and Lane were all very good.  I don’t care how old they try to make Diane Lane look she is still hot.  There is no off switch on Lane’s hotness. Costner was perfect casting.  I thought Crowe and Shannon both did a good job of not going too far over the top.  Cavill did not have a lot to work with.  Most all of the character’s growth happens in flashbacks where he either does not speak or is played by a different actor.  There are only a few scenes where he gets to have any kind of human interaction.  Mainly with Lois.  I thought he was just right in those.  In what few lines Cavill has where he speaks in costume to humans he uses that same calming tone and cadence that Christoper Reeve used as Superman.  No point in trying to improve upon perfection.  
• Where is Jimmy Olsen?  Why couldn’t any of the throw away Daily Planet staff have been Jimmy Olsen?  Why couldn’t that blogger guy be Jimmy Olsen?  If you want your summer movies to have humor, Jimmy Olsen could have been that. 
• I don’t mind Lex Luthor being out of this.  If they had used Lex it would have been boring evil corporate billionaire Lex.  I’m sick to death of that Lex.  Funny Gene Hackman Lex could have added a lot to this, or really any movie, but they don’t write that character anymore.  Hollywood is incapable of pulling if off now.  A lost art.
• Perry White and the entire supporting cast were flat.  No dimensional.  They could have just been called military humans and civilian humans.  Which is a shame.  You never really get to see Superman through the humans' eyes in this thing.  You never get to see the wonder.
• The movie really could have used more interaction between Superman and citizens.  It’s really just Lois and the military.  He could have saved a kid or something.  Let us see this thing through a child’s eyes for a second.  Again, where is Jimmy Olsen?
• I thought the score was good.  Much better than most of these movies.  Our heroes don’t get theme songs anymore.  I blame Danny Elfman and his boring Batman music everyone has been imitating for over 20 years now.  Why don’t our heroes have memorable themes you can hum anymore?  Why don’t they get trumpets?  Are all the trumpet players dead?  I miss the trumpets.  But that main theme they play when Superman does important things in Man of Steel is pretty good though.  I had it in my head for the rest of the day.  But now, a day later, I can’t remember it at all.  It needed more trumpet. 
• I saw people talking about Superman going through the Earth’s core.  Did that happen?  He just flew from the bottom of that beam to the top of it.  He didn't fly through the core. If he flew through the core he would have came out at the other death laser thing and not have been shown flying to it from a mile away.

• Jonathan Kent’s death was pretty dumb.  Not that he died.  The Kent’s die by like, what, page two of Superman’s original origin?  I get that he was going to die.  Sacrifice etc. etc.  But the death was dumb.  Jonathan being the leader and saving others was great.  But Clark just watching him die was dumb.  I can think of about 50 ways Clark could have saved him without anyone noticing and that's without even looking at my copy of DC Showcase Presents Superman Volume 1.
• I get that Superman killing Zod was a major no no for some people.  Because Superman would never kill!  Except for that time the totally murdered Zod and the other Kryptonians in Superman II back in 1980.  I don’t have an issue with the idea of it.  They were building to it for two hours.  Zod killing Jor-El.  Zod swearing to kill Jor-El’s son.  All the talk about good deaths or whatever.  I was surprised in the way it happened though.  Not surprised at Supes killing Zod to save humans.  Just surprised at the execution because, I’m sure Supes could have just turned them both away from the humans without snapping his neck.  But that’s silly nitpicking on a movie about a guy wearing a rubber suit.  Yeah, sure, Superman should not kill.  But this is not Superman.  This is video game Superman and video game Superman killed that dude dead.  1980 Superman killed, 2013 Superman killed... sometimes F'd up stuff happens y'alls.
• This is a comic blog.  Am I supposed to talk about how this movie relates to the comics?  Well, it doesn’t.  And I don’t care.  It’s a movie about a dude in a rubber suit.  It’s not comics.  The only way in which I care about the relationship between these movies and comics is that I want the creators to be respected and get paid.  Superman has been beyond comics for more than 60 years now.  Yes Superman is a comic book character.  Yes he is best as a comic book character.  But we don’t get to own him anymore.  He had already been assimilated by radio, movies and TV before my father was born.  Siegel and Shuster themselves had already re-invented Superman a few times before my father was born.  Kind of futile for me to bitch about how it doesn’t match up with “my Superman”.  There are lots of Supermans.  Plenty for everyone.  This was just a movie about one of them.   I liked it.

*Images stolen from Action Comics No. 1 and Superman No. 1.  By Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.

Your best pal ever,

Shannon Smith

p.s. Say you want a leader but you can't seem to make up your mind. I think you'd better close it and let me guide you to my twitter feed.

p.p.s. Let's pretend we went to high school together on facebook.

p.p.p.s. Google + is another place you can read the same thing I posted here.

p.p.p.p.s. I'll tumblr for ya.
p.p.p.p.p.s.  Yeah, I do Instagram too now.  I guess it's a law or something.

Other Comics News Parade-O-Links 04222013

(Superman #423 cover by Curt Swan stolen from wikipedia.)

Here are some things I found interesting in the world of minicomics, comic books, graphic novels, small press, self publishing, zines, webcomics, cartoons, digital comics, other, etc. during the week ending 0422013:

"One of the interesting things about the development of the Internet as a tool to have conversations is that the possibility of something taking place is often seen as the same thing as something that actually takes place. It's mistaking the abstraction of an argument as a direct correlative event to something in the real world. If we can argue something is possible, that's all we need to do: a potential bias = a bias, a potential construction by which something might happen = it could have happened and might as well have. It's very multiverse friendly. We should probably stop."  -Tom Spurgeon.

• Hello brothers and sisters.  Welcome to another late special weekday edition of the Parade-O-Links.  I sort of talked around this last week but I'm still trying to find the best way to do this thing.  Ideally, a new installment would be up every Sunday morning but my weekends have been booked solid lately.  I'm still not sold on the idea of this being a weekday thing but maybe it will have to be.  Look, there is almost no stability in my life right now so I'd better not make any promises.  Things will happen when they happen.  Hang in there. 
• Last week, April 18th to be exact, marked the 75th anniversary of the debut of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster's Superman and Lois Lane characters and arguably the birth of the comics industry in the USA, one of the main brands upon which the company currently called Time Warner Inc. would be built and decades of profits in toys, clothes, cartoons, theme park rides, TV shows and movies.  In light of all that success I was curious to see how the owner of Superman would acknowledge this historic day.  They didn't.  DC Comics, DC Entertainment and Time Warner Inc. made absolutely no mention of the event.  At least not on any of their websites.  And, curiously, it was one of the few weeks of the year where there was not any new Superman comics.  You could say that what Time Warner did to Superman last week was the opposite of celebrating his creation.   I was disappointed.  Superman is kind of a big deal and you only get one 75th anniversary.  Actually, most things never get a 75th anniversary.  Just think of the magnitude of the idea of Superman.  How many ideas do you have in your life?  How many good ideas?  How many of those ideas to you act on?  How many of them actually happen?  How many of them succeed?  How many of them are remembered or make any impact at all?  Just in entertainment alone think of all the ideas that have come and gone in the last 75 years.  All the comic books, comic strips, radio shows, TV shows, movies, toys, games, electronics, appliances, automobiles, fashion trends, food brands, retail chains, governments, countries... everything.  Just think of everything that has come and gone.  And there is still Superman.  One of the most successful ideas of all time.  And how did we treat the guys that gave birth to it?
• Superman's "birthday" was celebrated though.  At least in Cleveland.  And here is an older article about the house where it all happened.  Comics Alliance posted some nice Superman art.  
• Mark Waid and other folks talked on twitter about favorite Superman moments.
• Kurt Busiek says that Superman should be in the public domain.  I agree.
• Steve Bissette gives and example of how trying to do the right thing is actually a thing that is possible and has been done in the past and surprisingly did not bring DC or Marvel to their knees.
• Whenever people that actually make money in comics talk about money it is either super encouraging or absolutely soul crushing.  Never in between. 
• The creepy adventures of creepy DragonCon founder creepy Ed Kramer continue to be creepy. 
• Amazon is making it easier for the indie creator to get her/his work on the Kindle. 
• Here is a look at some of Carmine Infantino's early Timely work. 
• I'm excited about this news of new Alternative Comics works by some of my favorite creators. 
• Here is a look at the cover from Patrick Dean's next comic.  Dean all but has this season's Minicomic MVP wrapped up.  Let's hope he stays injury free through the playoffs. 
• Adam Casey exhibited some music themed art. 
• You can't tie down a banjo man. 
• "i wrote ithat movie a while back. hard to remember what its about."
• Haters just be jealous of Santoro's hair. 
• It's always a good time to check in on what Eleanor Davis has been drawing. 
• Ben Towle's Oyster War at io9.
• Jim Starlin interviewed at CBR. 
• The 30th episode of Robert Newsome's talking and music thing. 
• And finally... contrary to belief, Colt Cobana didn't create Five Dollar Wrestling.  I know you all think because he has a "podcast" coming from "live from the studio"... apartment!

Oh, and one more last thing!  Did you know you can leave comments on these posts here at file under other?  It's true!  And, I'll probably respond.  Twitter and facebook killed the message boards but that's no reason why you can't argue with me, praise me or leave me recipes.  It's your intronet.  Have fun!

And that's just a taste of some of the interesting things going out there in the wonderful world of comics and things. I can't keep up with it all but I do keep up with a lot of it on twitter and I try to re-tweet the good stuff. You should probably follow me there. If you did something to make comics better this week then high-five!

Your best pal ever,

Shannon Smith

p.s. Say you want a leader but you can't seem to make up your mind. I think you'd better close it and let me guide you to my twitter feed.
p.p.s. Let's pretend we went to high school together on facebook.
p.p.p.s. Google + is another place you can read the same thing I posted here.
p.p.p.p.s. I'll tumblr for ya.

Other Comics News Parade-O-Links 02142012

(All-New Batman The Brave and the Bold #16 cover by Rick Burchet. Image stolen from DC Database.)

Here are some things I found interesting in the world of minicomics, comic books, graphic novels, small press, self publishing, zines, webcomics, cartoons, digital comics, other, etc. during the week ending 02142013:

"Case in point: the legal language on both sides re an ongoing relationship after the settlement is signed. The gist: the Siegels won’t say anything bad about DC. The Siegels agree to make public appearances at DC’s behest, where they will then praise DC. They won’t make any other public appearances or say anything about Superman or the case without DC’s written consent. If they want to publish a biography, Time Warner gets first dibs so it can control whatever goes in print.  If anyone asks the Siegels about Superman or the case, they will refer the questioner to DC. When Superman goes into the public domain, they are the only people in the world who can’t do anything with the character.  You want to understand how Joanne Siegel could turn away millions of dollars? That’s it, right there."  -Jeff Trexler on the sad end to the legal fight for Superman.

• Happy Valentines Day brothers and sisters that care about that kind of thing.  I hope your day gives you everything you want but only 15% more than you deserve.  (Don't be greedy.)  It is still Ash Wednesday as I'm typing this.  I loves me some Jesus.  I'm going to try to give up french fries and negativity for Lent.  The french fries are because I need to lose some weight.  The negativity is because I need to lose some negativity.  I'll still be honest.  If something is garbage, I'm gonna tell you it's garbage.  Facts is facts y'all.  But I'm going to try to be more upbeat about the potential of things.  And this going to be very hard without my french fries.  I loves me some french fries people.  The fries are going to be harder to give up than the negativity.
• Loyal devoted readers of the Other Comics News Parade-O-Links may have noticed that today is not Sunday and that I never posted a new Parade-O-Links this past Sunday.  Sorry.  I just couldn't do it.  I tried.  Most of this Parade-O-Links was compiled and/or written before last Sunday but I did not get the the post up.  Time was not on my side.  The Rolling Stones are liars.  But, that's okay because that was the past and it is gone and now is the now and because the now is after the past, the now gets to includes some other interesting things that happened after the past.  Let's get to those things.  Shall we y'all?
• So.  Positivity right?  What happened in comics last week?  Oh yeah, Time Warner/DC Comics stuck it to the Siegles and the Shusters again.  And again.  Well, there goes my whole giving up negativity for Lent thing.  Dang you to heck comics!    
• But hey, don't let the fact that wife of Superman's creator went to the grave living under the threats of an army of lawyers funded by a bazillion dollar international corporation ruin your Valentine's Day.  I mean, they still make Superman comics after all.  Heck, Grant Morrison (the best Superman writer since Alan Moore ended Superman in 1986) still writes Superman comics.  Oh wait, he's not gonna do that anymore.  He talked to CBR a bit about the whys and hows of his departure.  "I think the best thing that it's done ultimately is to get rid of that weird emo Superman that was around for a long time. He was constantly fighting against using his powers and was kind of angst-driven. There are so many great characters in comics that are angst-driven that we don't need Superman to be one was well."  Indeed.  Die emo Superman die.  And hey, don't get down about Grant Morrison not writing Superman.  Time Warner's DC Comics "content creators" can always hire some guy that is actively trying to deny gay and lesbian Americans the same rights other human Americans have.  Yeah, that's gonna work out great right?  (Dear DC, I'm ready to be the next replacement writer on your online comic, print comic, whatever.  Holla at me y'all.)
• And speaking of creators leaving.  How about that Don Rosa exit letter?  "Why I Quit."  Hoo boy, a laugh riot that one.  
• Look, let's take a deep breath and think about Don Rosa, Jerry Siegle and Joe Shuster.  Let's think about what kind of "lessons learned" we can take away from this.  Here's what I get out of it.  Let's say you want to be a world famous American comic book creator or cartoonist.  If you live in the United States of America and you have talents, skills or, worst of all, ideas, you need to take all of that and put it in a box.  Now, find a cave.  You need to go to the deepest darkest part of that cave and dig a hole.  Somewhere between three and six feet deep depending on the density of the ground.  Put that box in that hole and cover it up.  Now, leave the cave.  Go find a nice park.  Maybe it has some pigeons or ducks you can feed.  Sit down on a bench.  Now, here is the tough part, but remember, you said you wanted to be a world famous American comic book creator or cartoonist.  Now, I want you take a pen, pencil or knife and jab yourself in the eyes.  I know that is a major commitment to the dream but you want the glory right?  Now, live the rest of your life broke and blind on that park bench.  Congratulations, you are a world famous American comic book creator or cartoonist!  Enjoy the pigeons and ducks.
• Dang.  This sucker went south quick didn't it.  Hang in there brothers and sisters.  We can turn this ship around.  You know what I like to do when I need to bask in the radiance of happiness and joy?  I like to go to Lattaland.  Surely, Josh Latta will have some nice things for us to look at.  That guy loves him some Valentine's Day cards.  
• Oh, and speaking of Valentine's Day cards.   If you need to take care of some last minute bidness then look no farther than J. Chris Campbell's free Valentine Card you can print out.  Unless of course you don't have a printer.  In that case, sorry, there's always Saint Patrick's Day. 
• And speaking of love and stuff, Robert Newsome's most recent music and talking thing was full of all the best (and/or worst) love songs ever.  I'm listening to it right now.  
• Oh, and another thing that makes me happy when I'm thinking about sad things like dead/blind/broke creators (and/or how my wife kicked me out of the house and Valentine's is gonna suck) ... is monsters.  Wouldja just look at Patrick Dean draw them monsters!
• We all love Sergio Aragones.  Except for jerks.  
• And we love Girl Scouts making comics!
• He was born nasty. 
• Jog talked about why he is Jog and what makes him Jog and what makes Jog him. 
• People!  Would you just look at that H. G. Peter Wonder Woman art!  The best I tells ya. 
• Okay, I don't even have an opinion on this Eddie Campbell piece but it's a good read.  I mean, go read it for sure but if you end up wasting a couple of days of your life writing an internet blog post rebuttal to the thing or lose your job because you spent a whole week arguing in comments threads, don't blame me.  Comics is dangerous y'all. 
• In a shocking turn of events it has been revealed that Fredric Wertham was not just a jerk bag but he was also a lying jerk bag. 
• Hey kids, The Ink Panthers are back!
• And Comic Books continue to Burn In Hell. 
• Gary Groth tells us something we did not know. 
• Jill Thompson on a wrasslin' podcast.   And speaking of Jill Thompson and wrasslin', she has an interview in the most recent issue of The Atomic Elbow.  You should buy that. 
• "For your info.. she jumped on his shoulders/ blocked bullets and broke his neck… and yes his tongue slobbered on her XXXXX. That’s ANT bro. Are you serious? In the following panel.. where she is running…Ant don’t run bra." 
• Again, dear DC Comics content creators, I am also ready to write Green Lantern for you.  I go hard son. Get at your boy. 
• I never get tired of happy Bill Mantlo pictures. 
• Did I mention Gabby Schulz's hourly comic thing in my last Parade-O-Links?  Well, here it is again anyway because it is great. 
• The anniversary of the great Jack Kirby leaving this Earth was last week.  You should seriously go look at all these great posts about his animation career. 
• Don Heck yeah!  
• My Delores is still around.  I see her in Food City from time to time but I'm afraid to make eye contact.  Her husband weights 300 pounds. 
• Since it's Valentine's Day, let's see what Chris Sims has to say about love.  He's an expert on love right?  Or maybe it's comics. 

THE BEST SINGLE NEW PRINT COMIC I READ THIS WEEK

(Image stolen from Comics Alliance.)
...was My Little Pony Friendship is Magic #3 by Katie Cook, Andy Price, Heather Breckel and several other people.  Published by IDW.  I'm still catching up on my comics reading after multiple snow storms kept me from the comics shop.  I've torn through a good pile of comics in the past week and I enjoyed this one as much or more than any of them.  IDW make really solid comics.  Almost too good.  The paper is way too good.  The art and writing are better than they need to be. All they had to do to get me to buy two copies of this thing for my daughters was put My Little Pony on the cover. Thankfully it is actually a comic I can read and enjoy.  There is a lot to chew on in this thing.  The story is dense.  The layouts are dense and have a gag in every panel.  All those characters crammed into an actual plot and Katie Cook pulls it off.  This is a comic where the ponies are off on a quest to save something or other from scary black ponies and the Pinkie Pie pony just happens to be carrying around costumes of herself and the other ponies.  Pinkie Pie dressed up in a giant Pinkie Pie costume is funny people.  And Andy Price is nailing this stuff.  Every panel crammed full of laughs. Imagine if licensed kid's comics from your youth were good.  This is that comic.

• And finally... I'm Black Canary you're Green Arrow.  When I hop on my bike it means let's go. 

Oh, and one more last thing!  Did you know you can leave comments on these posts here at file under other?  It's true!  And, I'll probably respond.  Twitter and facebook killed the message boards but that's no reason why you can't argue with me, praise me or leave me recipes.  It's your intronet.  Have fun!

And that's just a taste of some of the interesting things going out there in the wonderful world of comics and things. I can't keep up with it all but I do keep up with a lot of it on twitter and I try to re-tweet the good stuff. You should probably follow me there. If you did something to make comics better this week then high-five!

Your best pal ever,

Shannon Smith

p.s. Say you want a leader but you can't seem to make up your mind. I think you'd better close it and let me guide you to my twitter feed.

p.p.s. Let's pretend we went to high school together on facebook.

p.p.p.s. Google + is another place you can read the same thing I posted here.

p.p.p.p.s. I'll tumblr for ya.

Other Comics News Parade-O-Links 10212012

(Superman No. 7 cover by Joe Shuster 1940.  Image stolen from the DC database.)

Here are some things I found interesting in the world of minicomics, comic books, graphic novels, small press, self publishing, zines, webcomics, cartoons, digital comics, other, etc. during the week ending 10212012:

"Fighting for what's right has not been easy.  No one would want to endure what Warner Bros. and DC Comics has put my family, the Shusters and my attorney through.  And that's exactly what their executives and lawyers want.  By filing frivolous lawsuits against my family, he Shuster family and our lawyer, by publicly revealing my private communications, by driving up litigation costs and refusing to negotiate fairly, these companies that think that other creators will be afraid to stand up to them, and that lawyers will think twice before taking on their cases.
What Warner Bros. apparently doesn't realize is that despite their tremendous power, I will NEVER give up on my parent's dream of rightfully restoring my father's rights to his family."  -Laura Siegel Larson, October 11, 2012.

• This week I begin a journey into the Supercontext.  It is my intention to re-read the entirety of Grant Morrison's The Invisibles before the end of the world.  (60 days give or take.  No need to be specific on something as insignificant as the end of the world.) You are welcome to play along at home.  Tune in daily.  Bring your own blank badge. 
• Laura Siegel Larson spoke out about the ongoing battle she must fight to secure from Time Warner what her family has already won in court and clearly deserves.   If you are against the Siegels and the Shusters I seriously will fight you.  I will beat you down.
• Speaking of which, is it still illegal to slap a federal judge in the mouth?  (Side note.  I'd like to commend the Hollywood Reporter website for restraining themselves from using a biff bam pow in that headline.)  Jeff Trexler provides the lawyer to English translation.  But let me go ahead and break it down into hillbilly fer ya.  What this Judge is sayin' and what the Time Warner Brothers is sayin' is that it is legal and fair for them to trick a widow into trading all the coal in them thar hills for about the amount it would cost her to live in a trailer park with lovely view of an abandoned strip mine and a drainage ditch.   A $25,000 a year pension for the multi gagillion dollar property upon which the AOL Time Ted Turner Warner Brothers was built.  I wonder how many Time Warner employees make more than $25,000 a year.  My best guess is all of them.  Every last one of them sonsabitches.  (Other than the unpaid interns and creative types that actually do all the work.) 
• Again, this post was written to the smooth sounds of Robert Newsome. 
• Dean Haspiel talked to Frank Quitely about comics and stuff.
• The Ink Panthers are going on hiatus.  That is kind of sad.
• Matthew Smith has a kickstarter going for Blood-Drenched Creature Double Feature.  I have read the Bee Sting part of the book (with art by Jeremy Massie) and it was great fun.
• Did I mention that Tom Hart comic last week?  It is a devastating thing of unbearable sadness and beauty.  Must read.  If you have children, like I do, it may kill you to read it.  I suggest you make sure to stop and breath between pages.
• Tom Spurgeon gave some comics to the Dylan Willaims collection.  That sounds like a really good idea.  

THE BEST SINGLE PRINT COMIC I READ LAST WEEK
(Or... I'VE GOT BINDERS FULL OF COMICS!)

(Bezoar cover stolen from Little House Comics.)

My best single print comic thing has been missing for a few weeks.  I blame planned parenthood, single mothers, Big Bird, the liberal media and Candy Crowley.  Bezoar is a wicked little monster comic produced by Eleanor Davis, Drew Weing and what I think are just the cartoonists they saw walk past their Athens GA home that day.  The book includes Davis, Weing, Joey Weiser, Patrick Dean, Michele Chidester, David Mack and Aaron Fu.  Mack is credited as the editor and he does a swell job.  Just look at that cover.  Pretty great huh?  Well, you have to see it in person because it is black line art with a clear plastic cover that overlays the color on the line art.  It's freaky.  I dig it.  And the comics inside are great as well.  This is a comic that features a couple of pages by Patrick Dean.  People, let me be clear, if you want to make a print comic that when read by me will be considered the best print comic I read that week... you should probably have Patrick Dean in it.  It is almost guaranteed to win.  Now, you, invisible person asking me imaginary questions, may ask 'but what if another comic had Patrick Dean in it that week?'  Well, just to cover your ass, you probably want to go ahead and have Davis, Weing, Weiser, Chidester, Mack and Fu throw some pages in there as well.  Then you are a sure thing.  The stories are all short but solid.  The standout work of the book is probably the short written by Davis and drawn by Weing.  We don't deserve talent like those two and we certainly don't deserve to get to see them work together.  Get 'em while they're hot brudders and sistahs. 


(El Generico vs Kota Ibushi (c) (DDT) by Jahmale_Hepburn)

•  But wait, what about the best webcomic you read last week?  Why do you hate webcomics so much?  Why are you such an old loser?  Don't you know the youngs, they love the webcomics?  Now just you hold your horses invisible person asking me imaginary questions.  I totally read the webcomcis.  I'm a cool from way back.  So, maybe.  Maybe I'll start doing that.  But on any given week, you can probably just assume that it was Battle Zoo.
• Here is another excerpt from Sean Howe's book on Marvel.  This time focused on the "glory days of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee".   "I traveled through worlds . . . so big . . . so big . . . there . . . there aren't words! We're like ants . . . just ants . . . ants!!!"
• Wouldjalookatthat.  There are a lot of Kevin Huizenga comics online.  
• I'm pretty pissed about Cartoon Network's handling of DC Nation. (And also their attempt to bury Star Wars.)  I think part of it is them being totally in the tank for Dreamwork's properties.  All of which absolutely suck as TV cartoons. 
• Richard Thompson on drawing during neurosurgery.

(Josh Simmons image stolen from TCJ.)

• The Comics Journal has an interview with Josh Simmons, the most terrifying cartoonist working today.

• Brad McGinty is taking pre-orders on another batch of fantastical t-shirts. 
• Chris Ware is burning in hell.
• Hey look, it's quiz time.
• Mike Hoffman dares you to pledge to stop making comics porn. 
• Stay classy fanboys. 
• And now ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, you asked for it, you got it... LINK HAIKU!!!!

Free squirrel birth control
The freedom machines are rigged
Women three hole punched

• Josh Latta on the most horrific Porky Pig cartoon. 
• Making comics is very hard. 
• I blowed up real good didn't I?
• There was a time when all you had was Starlog, the TV Guide, some comics and maybe a couple of Wrestling Magazines.  And it was good enough.  Good enough.
• Did I mention that pal Robert Venditti is going to be working on The Demon (Demon Knights) for DC?  I'm pretty excited about that. 
• And finally... that 'lectricty burnin' over there, they's somebody dyin' ever day fer it.

Oh, and one more last thing!  Did you know you can leave comments on these posts here at file under other?  It's true!  And, I'll probably respond.  Twitter and facebook killed the message boards but that's no reason why you can't argue with me, praise me or leave me recipes.  It's your intronet.  Have fun!

And that's just a taste of some of the interesting things going out there in the wonderful world of comics and things. I can't keep up with it all but I do keep up with a lot of it on twitter and I try to re-tweet the good stuff. You should probably follow me there. If you did something to make comics better this week then high-five!

Your best pal ever,

Shannon Smith

p.s. Say you want a leader but you can't seem to make up your mind. I think you'd better close it and let me guide you to my twitter feed.

p.p.s. Let's pretend we went to high school together on facebook.

p.p.p.s. Google + is another place you can read the same thing I posted here.

p.p.p.p.s. I'll tumblr for ya.